Audio: Mary Rose Kreger reads.
He still wants me, even if His rose was
Never meant to stay in His convent garden.
No, rather to struggle and labor
In this world, pretending to fit in
When my heart has been spoiled for anything
Save Him.
–Lines from Monastery in My Heart poem
A few days after my first Mass at the parish, I sent Father an email, asking if we could meet.
“I am seeking counsel about making the transition from religious life back into the world,” I explained.
Thirty minutes later, he messaged me back: “How is Wednesday 3/19@4pm for you?”
Don’t Be Afraid
The morning before my meeting with Father, I woke early to pray. Here is what I heard the Lord say:
Open your heart to what I am doing for you in this very moment, right now, and love, love, love. Don’t be afraid to do new things, take risks…to be with others for my sake—don’t be afraid to live!
At 3:30 p.m., I started the mile-long walk from the house to my parents’ parish. The snow had started melting only a couple of days earlier, as the temperature rose into the 40s and 50s. Even so, I had to climb over some crusty grey snow piles, as well as dozens of sidewalk puddles, on my way to the church. The weather was overcast and the ground was soaked to bursting: a typical messy March day in Michigan.
I prayed a Rosary as I made the journey, my fingers tight over the beads.
“Have courage, Mary,” I reminded myself. I’d been scared to email Father, and even more nervous to meet with him in person. Who did I think I was, anyway?
Just a timid little ex-sister, in need of help.
I kept slushing through the rain puddles. And that’s exactly why you need to see Father. Remember, salvation comes through the Church.
A Practical Meeting
Marci, the receptionist, greeted me as I entered the parish office.
“Mary, you said? I’ll let him know you’re here.” She gave me a friendly smile.
I nodded and waited by the line of chairs, mentally reviewing my list of questions for Father: What should I do now? How do I make the transition back into the world? How can I stay close to the Lord?
Soon, Father’s head appeared outside his door. “Hello, Mary. Please, come in.” He had a European accent and the same charming, cheerful personality I remembered from before the convent.
I followed him into his office and shyly explained a little about my situation. However, Father did more of the talking.
“We have a wonderful LifeTeen ministry program here at the parish,” he began. “And we are also looking for teachers in two of our catechism classes. Next year, we are going to host a new homeschooling co-op called Regina Caeli Academy.” His eyes twinkled behind his rounded glasses. “Perhaps one of these ministries would be a good fit for you?”
I nodded in gratitude. “Thank you so much, Father. Yes, I’ll think and pray about it and let you know soon.”
As I splashed back home through the puddles, I felt a pleasant combination of relief and surprise. I hadn’t expected the meeting to be…well, so practical.
When I asked Father what I should do now, I’d expected him to give a more vague answer. Perhaps to tell me how to think or pray about my new way of life. Instead, Father welcomed me deeper into the parish community, by inviting me to volunteer and get involved. He made me feel included, which I liked, but also challenged.
I did ask him what I should do now, I thought wryly. And now I see there’s a great deal to be done – right here in the parish.
LifeTeen Scouting Mission
The best part of being home again was spending time with my family, especially my two younger sisters. I’d been so worried about my youngest sister while I was away in the convent. She’d been going through a difficult teenage phase.
“Things have been getting better this year, though,” my parents told me. “She’s really enjoyed going to LifeTeen at the parish.”
My ears perked up at this second mention of LifeTeen. Maybe it would be a good ministry for me to try. I had volunteered for teen youth groups in both Texas and Kentucky, so I had some experience. And if I attended LifeTeen, I could keep an eye out for my sister, too.
So the next week, I had my sister sneak me into a youth group meeting, as a friend. My mission was to observe the format and see how all the teens and adult volunteers interacted with each other.
The first thing I noticed was the youth group’s impressive numbers. Four long rows of tables were filled with nervous, excited teens. Maybe 80 to 90 kids. I had hoped my sister would introduce me to some of her friends; instead, she left me to myself and went off with her own teen squad. I picked at my slice of pizza, watching two adult volunteers—called Core members—make googly eyes at each other over the LifeTeen meal table. Behind me, a few teen guys were geeking out about the latest Hobbit movie, while the girls discussed the upcoming soccer season. The room was buzzing with activity, full of conversations among friends, as well as awkward silences among the shyer crowd, which included myself.
Then the youth minister, Kristin*, stood up to speak. She was about my age, with golden brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, and a calm, friendly smile. The crowd in the room was so large, she had to use a microphone. She went over the day’s plan, which included a talk, small groups, and a trip to the Adoration chapel for prayer. I admired her calm confidence and ease among the teens. Every bit of her seemed the leader. The youth minister.
Father had talked about the great work Kristin was doing for the youth ministry program, and after seeing Kristin and the enthusiasm and size of the LifeTeen crowd, I believed it.
Shortly afterwards, I contacted Kristin directly, telling her I was interested in volunteering for LifeTeen.
“That’s wonderful,” she told me over the phone. “We usually have new volunteers go through a discernment period first. I truly believe this ministry is something to which people are called – an important part of their vocation.”
I agreed to try LifeTeen out for a short period before making a decision. Inside, I was smiling.
Discernment, eh? Well, that’s a topic I know something about.
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*Name changed
Thanks so much for reading! Join me next week as I continue my layperson bootcamp: including entering social circles, catching up on pop culture (selfies, Frozen, Avengers), and piecing together a presentable wardrobe for Mission Find My Husband! 😊
Also, I will be posting on Monastery in My Heart again soon, hopefully by this weekend. I took a short break for Christmas and New Year’s, but I am now ready to continue the convent story. Thank you so much for your patience!
