After the fateful Saint Mary’s Swing Dance, James and I quickly found each other on Facebook:
Hi Mary, I really enjoyed meeting you at the St. Mary Dance. What a fun time! Could you tell me your email? I wanted to send you the pictures from the dance.
– James
I mentally followed his name with a long string of cheesy hearts. James. ♥️♥️♥️
The very next day, my cell phone arrived.
Wow, a real smart phone. I popped the Moto G into its new purple case, admiring its sleek appearance. When I added my contacts, James’ number was included on the list.
Then I messaged James the news:
Feel free to call me anytime!
Taking it Slow
When I was dating Aidan before the convent, we went through every step of our relationship at breakneck speed. A week after we met, he asked me to be his girlfriend. So that I can kiss you, he had teased.
It wasn’t long before Aidan and I were spending almost every evening together. From the very beginning, our relationship was intense…and it had ended intensely, too. In retrospect, I wished we’d spent more time apart while dating. It would have given us space to think and reflect, and to be our own person.
This time, I wanted things to be different. I’d just left a convent, after all.
So I emailed James saying I wanted to take things slow, and to get to know him better, gradually.
Can we go on dates with other people around first? I’m still trying to get used to this whole “living in the world” thing, I explained.
James responded quickly, agreeing to take things slow.
When I read his message, I felt relieved. If I had asked Aidan to do the same thing while we were dating, he would’ve been offended.
Well this ain’t Aidan, Mary. This is James.
Date #1 – San Marino Club
This was our first official date.
Although we planned to take things slow, three of our first dates took place in the span of a week. As I had asked, they were all dates in public settings.
For our first date, James invited me to a charity banquet at the San Marino Club in nearby Troy, Michigan. I had always admired the castle-like façade of the building, but I’d never been inside.
At the appointed hour I pulled into the club parking lot, feeling a bit inadequate for the date ahead. It didn’t help that I’d arrived in my family’s ancient Econoline van.
At least my parents didn’t drop me off, I thought with a sigh. On the drive there, my mind had filled with anxious questions. Was I wearing the right clothes? Did I still know how to do this dating thing? What if I messed everything up?
“Come on, Mary, be brave!” I coached myself. “Remember, this is supposed to be fun.”
Then I smiled and stepped out of the van.
For the banquet, I wore a black and tan-speckled dress that my mom and I had picked out at Carson’s. I’d been reluctant to buy it because of the price tag, but now I was grateful to have something classy to wear. Luckily, my ears had remained pierced while in the convent, so I sported a pair of green and bronze dangle earrings, which gave a little flair to my short haircut.
James met me in the parking lot, dressed in a dark grey suit and tie. His ride was a red Chevy Cruze.
“Hi Mary.” His eyes lit up when he saw me. “You look beautiful.”
James linked his arm into mine and escorted me to the front entrance. We passed under a covered driveway and into the front entrance hall. The building’s outside was elegant, and the fine interior did not disappoint. I admired the wood-paneled walls, grand oak staircase, and shimmering crystal chandelier. It felt good to be in such a beautiful place for our first date.
Everything about the evening was fun, especially for a post-convent lass like me. The family style banquet dinner? Delightful. The guest speaker? Inspiring. Meeting James’ friends and peers? Lovely. Best of all, there were a few people at the banquet who I also knew, or who had volunteered with my parents in the past. And I was happy to have my first date at a charity event. Even the money James had spent on our tickets would go to a worthy cause.
I didn’t want James to impress me with an expensive meal or a fancy date location. I had always hated anything pretentious – especially if it was something for me.
When we talked together, James’ voice was bold and loud, just the opposite of my soft-spoken family. I loved that he didn’t care how loud he was—and that he wasn’t afraid to say what he thought.
“Would you like anything to drink from the bar, Mary?” he asked, before the guest speaker’s presentation.
“A Coke would be wonderful, thank you.”
He returned a minute later with a chilled glass. I sipped the Coke out with a tiny black straw and sighed. After two months at home without a coffee maker, I was desperate for some caffeine.
Well, that makes everything better.
James touched my arm. “I’d like to introduce you to some of my friends…” The Green family. The Smiths. The Vincenzas. His old friends from the young adult group Veritas. So many people knew James here. It was clear he was actively involved, not just an annual banquet attendee.
Obviously he hasn’t been spending the last ten years going to work and playing video games, I observed. They know him here, so he’s been out doing good.
Date #2: Les Misérables
Our next date was a bit impromptu. My sister-in-law had received two extra tickets for a showing of Les Miserables at the Grosse Point War Memorial.
“Would you like to see if with me, Mary?” she asked. “And maybe you could ask James?”
“Yes, I would love to!” I hopped up and down with the news. After Camelot, Les Mis was my favorite musical of all time. “When is the show?”
“May 8,” my sister-in-law answered. “I’m sorry, I know that’s short notice.”
This was only two days after our San Marino Club date, so I didn’t know if James could make it. But he said yes!
On May 8, we met in Warren to pick up my sister-in-law for the show. Right away, James was very attentive to her, asking lots of questions and showing genuine interest. He asked about her family, and if she’d seen Les Miserables before.
I loved seeing that quality in James, right from the beginning. My family meant so much to me. Nothing could have pleased me more than to see James engaging in real conversation with my sister-in-law.
We had excellent seats for the show and enjoyed a good performance. My sister-in-law took this picture of us together afterwards:
Date #3: A Play in a Day
The third date was at James’ home parish in Ferndale, where we saw A Play in a Day. We came to the show in our finest attire; everyone else was in t-shirt and jeans. We didn’t mind too much; at least we were together.
James and I don’t remember for sure, but we may have walked to Baskin Robbins after the play. There we learned that James should avoid eating ice cream cones at all costs. What a mess! 🍦
Dating Wrap-up
My first dates with James left me feeling like a tourist who’d just spent twelve hours in the Louvre. I moved quickly from delight, to overwhelm, to sensory exhaustion. The dates started off really fun and enjoyable until suddenly they became…well, too much. Like drinking water out of a fire hose.
But time changed all this. James was patient, and he waited for me to be ready for more. Right from the beginning, we worked to match our dating pace with each other’s desires and needs.
Dating was still a struggle for me, but each meeting with James left me eager for more. Already, I could see our relationship was turning into something special.
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Thank you so much for reading! Please return to the site soon for more posts about James, my summer job hunt, and more Life After Convent news! 🙂
You can also visit Monastery in My Heart for my latest convent blog post.
